"Sarcasm -- one of the free services I offer"
"Most writers fall at least somewhat short of certifiably insane when not writing."
"Over the years I've learned to value people for their knowledge and experience, rather than their looks. Because looks come by their selves. You either are lucky enough to inherit a good looking pair of genes, or you are not. Experience, on the other hand, is something people work their asses off for. Something that takes effort, and deserves respect."
"Funny thing is, we cynics behind our thick crusts of distrust, sarcasm, and all around pessimism are probably some of the happiest people around. All the idealist, attention whores, extroverts, et cetera... They all live thinking they're hot shit and everything is all well and nice, but then when shit happens they slip into depression not wanting to believe how people are so scornful and hateful, yet at the same time trying to convince themselves there's some good, but not us. No, from the beginning we know people are generally shit, and we spend years knowing that, and in the end we could not give two fucks about it and therefore manage to avoid the realization depression all these once-happy pricks inevitably realize.
Welcome to the real world assholes! Remember we were here first!"
"Bob walked in and told Mandy he wanted a beer and she said no. This started a fight and they broke up. Bob got in his car and drove away. He almost hit some kid. The kid turns out to be a zombie. Bob is attacked and dies. The zombie kid steals his car."
"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."
S♄εяło¢к♓ołм℮s: "Well, obviously the origin of life doesn't *directly* have anything to do with evolution--but what I was asking is where does the matter that things evolve from come from? It is related. You talk about all the stages of evolution and it had to have started somewhere. "
Me: "Amebas. We all came from amebas. And just like amebas we still want to absorb and consume everything and then divide like crazy.
One of us! One of us! XD
S♄εяło¢к♓ołм℮s: Buuuut where did the amoebas come from??? xD
Me: God caught a cold and sneezed on the world- IDON'TKNOW XD
No but, what if... Just think about it for a moment. What if.
~Evolution and Creationism and Abiogenesis thread, Chickensmoothie
"Well I’ve already resolved that holding my breath on anything regarding you is a quick way to suffocation..."
~Mamoru, Fosterling: Crow's Nest Chapter 22
Faulklin: "Doesn't fucking matter where I learned it, I can speak however the Hell I want to. Fuck, fuck, crap, damn, fuck, shit, damn, fuckety-fuck, cunt, bastard, son of a bitch, screw you."
Mamoru: "I'm half-tempted to make you eat a bar of soap..."
Faulklin: "Try it and I'll shove that bar of soap so far straight up your ass you'll be the one eating it in reverse."
~Fosterling: Book One - The Crow's Nest; Chapter 23
xCleverFox : They're very cherished and they know it
Faulklin: *rolls eye* Yeah, cherished my ass
Havoc: Shut up, no one loves you, you're adopted
Faulklin: *snarls and mauls*
"I had a thought, but it got lonely and went away."
"Sorry, my trains of thought derailed. There were no survivors."
"Forgive those who have hurt you. – I forgive people, but that doesn’t mean I trust them. I just don’t have time to hate people who hurt me, because I’m too busy loving people who love me. The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to move forward is the happiest. Be brave. Be strong. Be happy. Be free."
"Be who you really are. – If you’re lucky enough to have something that makes you different from everybody else, don’t change. Uniqueness is priceless. In this crazy world that’s trying to make you like everyone else, find the courage to keep being your awesome self. And when they laugh at you for being different, laugh back at them for being the same. It takes a lot of courage to stand alone, but it’s worth it. Being YOU is worth it!"
"Recognize those who love you. – The most memorable people in your life will be the ones who loved you when you weren’t very loveable. Pay attention to who these people are in your life, and love them back, even when they aren’t acting loveable."
"Be thankful for all the troubles you don’t have. – There are two ways of being rich: One is to have all you want, the other is to be satisfied with what you have. Accept and appreciate things now, and you’ll find more happiness in every moment you live. Happiness comes when we stop complaining about the troubles we have and offer thanks for all the troubles we don’t have. And remember, you have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life."
"Enjoy the little things in life. – The best things in life are free. There is absolute joy and wonder to be had in the simplest of moments. Watching the sunset over the horizon or spending time with a family member. Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things."
~15 Ways to Live, and Not Merely Exist
"*Yaaaawwn...* I'm sorry, all I can hear is: 'Hit me, Angel, Please! Attack me! Man I'm so pathetic...'."
~Angel, Wolves of the Mist pilot movie, Part 1, gyptianskystudio
A man complains to a woman that he hasn't been with any women for a while and tries to talk her into pity sex. The woman tells him: "You think you have it that bad? It's all about persepctive, dude. Think about it this way; you've still got your hand, but somewhere there's a guy with a hard-on and no arms." ~A friend of mine
Romney once said that women belong in the kitchen: "Better be careful what you say, Romney. The kitchen is where the knives are." ~Selene Moon
"Annoying people have a bad habit. Breathing." ~Selene Moon
Teacher: You have ten cakes, but you give away two. How many do you have now?
Student: Ten, nobody touches my cake.
Teacher: Okay...you have ten cakes and someone steals two, how many do you have?
Student: Ten cakes and a dead body.
Asmodeus helped the member jack off a horse.
Correction: Asmodeus helped the member, Jack, off a horse.
Sometimes grammar is REALLY important! Always add your punctuation and capital letters!
~Diana, Iwaku Forums admin
"I'm respecting your privacy by knocking but asserting my authority as your mother by coming in anyway!"
~Fairly Oddparents "Information Super Highway"
James Norrington: "You were telling the truth."
Jack Sparrow: I do that a lot. Yet people are always surprised.
~Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest
"Speaking of the inimitable, while the titles Catcher in the Rye and Rememberance of Things Past are poetically evocative, they wouldn't distinguish themselves from the pack in the Too-Much-Information Age. Nowadays, your project is competing for attention with a video of a toddler trapped behind a couch.(I'm serious, Google it, it's got all the makings of great drama; a sympathetic protagonist, conflict, complications, laughter, tears and an uplifting ending. All in 2 minutes and 27seconds)."
~2012 Writer's Market
Rarely “by the people” and never “for the people”, all governments are designed to protect the ones in power and to do whatever it takes to perpetuate their privileges.
"I have the feeling you're trying to incorporate all the opinions you're getting in the comment column. Do NOT do that. You can not crowdsource a query or you will end up with a query that walks like a duck, spins like a puck, steals your luck and earns your query a brisk WTF."
~Query Shark: #211
"This is Lenalee, my sister, and if you even dare to put a pinky finger on her, I will kill you. Ignoring mercy. Completely." Komui smiled in a threatening way.
~What the Hell?, DGM/Naruto crossover by I am a fluffy pen
"Humans are Weak. They have no fangs or claws. Why, their only unique skill is crying, and yet, somehow, they managed to conquer the entire world. Do you know why? Because among all living things on the planet, humans are the most cruel!"
~Naruto Shippuden Movie 2: Bonds
"Those who make others laugh often need the most help."
"Laughter and cheer are kind of contagious. So when you have nothing to smile about you try to get other people to, so you have a reason to. Plus laughter is one of the best coping techniques there is. People can laugh their way through having a leg ripped off. So when you see people who’s first response to getting fucked is to laugh about it, you can bet they just wen’t through enough shit to learn they don’t have the time to waste being upset."